Tuesday, September 22, 2009

the lines on his face.

The summer after my senior year of highschool I picked up a book that would forever change the way I looked at the world, Jesus, myself, and Christianity. That book was Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. 

This book helped me to see that religion was man made and can get in the way of a persons heart engaging God, it taught me that I am desperate for God.... like completely desperate... like I can't even fully love God without Gods help. It taught me that evangelism is not about numbers, its not about getting someone to have the same beliefs as you or getting someone to go to church.... evangelism is about loving people, thats it, end of story. It taught me that community is essential to growing spiritually, that the best kind of worship is wonder, that God is bigger than anything we can even try to wrap our minds around... but duh... he created us. I created a painting once... I doubt that painting can tell you all of my thoughts. It taught me that if I have questions about the bible or wether America is really showing the world Gods love, like we claim to be... that does not mean I love Jesus any less. I learned that actually questioning things and having my own beliefs and reasons for those beliefs is a good thing.

Basically this book is sick nasty, and has helped me alot. Im in the middle of re-reading it. 

Two years was not that long ago at all. But I dont even feel like im the same person. I feel like if I were to meet myself now... I might actually like me. Two years ago I dont know if I could say that. Because two years ago I had too much pride and fear to fully surrender my whole life to God, two years ago I craved attention, only loved people conditionally, and thought I was the ish. (ok... sometimes I still think im the ish, but im working on it)

When you finally let God take over COMPLETELY, the wonders he does to your soul are amazing. 

Lately God has been showing me a whole new way to look at the world. I didnt think it was possible to fall in love with Jesus any more than I already have but for the past month or so I have been waking up each day more in love with him than the day before. 

My husband better be ready to bring it cause falling in love with the creator of the universe forces you to have pretty high standards.

Anyway I am so thankful that I am becoming the person I want to be, im becoming the person that God already sees me as and has since the beginning of time. And I am so thankful he is not done with me yet.

One thing that has always stuck with me since the first time I read Blue Like Jazz is at the beginning of the book. Donald is talking about (can I call him Donald or should I stick to his full name? no ill call him Donald... me and Don are on first name basis... sorry a.d.d. anyway...) he is talking about how he is still early in his journey and can not wait for what is to come. He says, "Years ago He was a swinging speck in the distance; now He is close enough I can hear His singing. Soon I will see the lines on His face."

ahhh.... AMAZING.

I have finally learned to quite myself. I can hear his singing now and it gets louder, clearer, and more beautiful everyday. :)

Oh and last year Britney and I were driving back to Phoenix from Flagstaff and it was one of the most beautiful days I have ever witnessed. It was the middle of summer and it was overcast-y and on and off raining. Not just any rain.... forrest gump style big ol fat rain. Brit randomly stuck her hand out of the passenger side of my car while I was driving and took this picture.... 

It reminds me of that quote for some reason.

I dont know why I am so in love with this picture... maybe its because at this moment everything was right with my soul and I was completely at peace. Oh Jesus, I cant wait to see the lines on your face. :)

Monday, September 21, 2009

"She only drinks coffee at midnight, when the moment is not right, her timing is quite unusual."

So its 3:30 am on a sunday night (or monday morning) whichever you prefer and Rikki has alot to accomplish tomorrow. So obviously she is far off in dream land, right? wrong. She decided that with the help of a couple cups of coffee, right now would be the perfect time to start a blog.

ok.... enough talking in third person im really starting to annoy myself. But really ive been meaning to start one for sometime now. Not that im some creative genius or that i say insightful things that need to be put out there for the world to see. I ramble, dont use proper punctuation and i myself dont even understand the thoughts that im trying to convey. but i think its necessary for a person to put their thoughts into words. i also like looking back on the things i write. most of the time it ends with me saying "what was i thinking." 

So here you go interweb world... my first ever blog post. (if you dont 
count the myspace blog days. haha)

oh and i came across some pictures and im in somewhat of a reminiscent state of mind right now so.....

work crew 06... where i finally grasped the concept that all God wanted from me was to love him, where i met some of my best friends, and where i had one of the most amazing conversations of my life on this bed right here. r.i.p. courtney... we love you.

reppin spice girls in the 4th grade. yep weve been best friends since we were 3... 17 years and counting... no big deal.

haha high school.... we thought we were so hard core. dont ever let me dye my hair blonde again k, thanks.

Its hard to run from beach security when you have to run in sand.... just a little life lesson for you.

Santa Monica, I love you. Melissa, I love you even more.

Summer 08 with the most amazing YoungLife girls a leader could ask for.

Summer Staff 08.... amazing God, amazing people, dancing with indians, running around in the forrest, and standing at the edge of the grand canyon with two of my best friends in complete surrender to our beautiful God. (Lauren and Britney I love you both to pieces.)

Oh hello twilight, yeah were those girls.... sorry.

Little brother... youre growing up way too fast. Please stop that.

20th birthday spent at my favorite place with my best friends. :)

Lost Canyon Summer Staff 2009 I still miss each and every one of you so much to where it hurts my little heart and I get bummed daily. Each and every one of you are so amazing and I love you all to the stars and back. Its crazy to think that only a month and a half ago we were still living laughing and serving our wonderful savior together. You all have a piece of my heart for eternity.