Tuesday, February 9, 2010

fruity pebbles and a cant stop smiling kind of face.

I haven't posted anything new on my blog in about a month or so and I've been wanting to but lately I feel like I have nothing to say. Me... the girl who cant shut up... ever... the girl who is constantly trying to explain to people all the thoughts and butterflies and funny things going on in her head... I have nothing to say. Maybe its because I haven't been reading anything new lately, because when I read alot, I tend to want to write alot. Maybe because my new obsession for hiking and crafting and bike riding is taking up all my time. Maybe because I haven't been taking the time to grow spiritually. Yeah... i think that's the one (ouch, kick in the stomach)

Well I still don't really have anything to say but I'm just going to ramble for a bit cause I'm tired, but restless and its 2 in the morning and rambling usually helps my restlessness.

I am eating cereal for the first time in I don't even know how long and its fruity pebbles which was my favorite when I was 5 and I just got the strangest flash back. Not the normal flash back, but the flash back that makes you believe you are there again, or like all of your life after that time you are flashing back to doesn't really exist and it was all a dream and now you are back in real life.... weird. Anyway the flash back consisted of me being 5 again and sitting at the table in my nana's kitchen eating cereal and reading the back of the cereal box.
So uh... 2010 is already flying by and I want to tell it to stop because its going so fast and I want to enjoy it. But somewhere between the beginning of the year and now I turned 21 and that was cool. Except from now on all my birthdays are just another year... nothing special. And I no longer have an excuse to act like I'm 12... but I'm sure that wont stop me.

Things I'm excited about lately....

- going to Vegas in March for Britney's birthday.
-reading dear, John (I really want to see this movie but I wanted to read the book first and then surprise surprise my little sister from another mister got it for me for muh burfday.)
- YoungLife and the fact that at tonight's club we had 70+ high school kids.
-new episodes of Greys Anatomy
-all the craft projects I have in mind to transform my room on a 0 dollar budget.
-hiking, hiking, and hiking some more.
-Jojo coming to town for her wedding shower.
-and oh so much more.

But back to YoungLife... tonight while looking around at all those crazy little faces, I was overwhelmed with joy. Thinking back to when I was in their shoes and the paradox of being a hopeless high school kid yet somehow going to YoungLife and smiling and belly laughing and throwing cheese puffs at someone with their face covered in shaving cream and being cared for by leaders and asked about my day and even though I had so much to go through before I finally understood, I was given a glimpse of hope. Andre spoke tonight at the end of club and something that really stood out to me in his talk was the thought of us hiding from God. We always hear about people "finding God" but he is not the one hiding.... we are. Mostly because we are scared. What will happen when God finds me? Will I be punished? Will my life have to drastically change? And I just remember being 16 and having my fear slowly chipped away as I sat in club and watched people build spam snowmen, and laughed at my leaders while they made fools of themselves.

Right now I'm sitting in my (freezing) room and listening to the Hope for Haiti cd... these lyrics from the song Breathless just brought me to tears....

"When you feel the world is crashing all around your feet,
come running headlong into my arms,
I'll never judge you.
I can only love you.
Come now running headlong,
into my arms,

When I looked at those beautiful faces at club tonight I couldn't help but smile. When I was in their shoes, I felt such a comfort and peace at club. I didn't know why. I thought it was because I enjoyed ridiculous games and belly laughing and leaders who cared for me, and while that's part of it... its actually because God was already speaking to my heart... "I'll never judge you, I can only love you." Beautiful. Goodnight.

Also... I want to learn how to knit.