Tuesday, May 11, 2010

my dearest blog,

sorry ive abandoned you. i really like sharing my life and thoughts with you, i really do. ive just had nothing to write about lately... thats a lie... i think ive had too much to write about.

but guess what??? ive been praying about something that will affect what the next couple years of my life look like no matter what i decide about said something. i really dont mean to be cryptic and vague... ill right more about this later.

on that note ive officially got back into the routine of praying over ever detail of my life and giving everything to God... cause i usually really suck at that. i wrote this yesterday...

Dear Jesus,
Sometimes the world whispers lies in my ear and I listen. I listen and listen and listen and then I begin to doubt you. I begin to doubt your will for my life and the love you have for me. Do you really know what's best for me, do you really care? Why should I put my trust in you? And then if just for a second, the world stops and the lies grow quieter and quieter until you hush them completely. And then I hear you. Your love is so loud. The sound of your voice stops all of my doubts, all of my insecurities and once again I say "sorry God, I believe you this time, please for the 697823516235469th time take my life, I surrender.... again. I promise this will be the last time" and you just smile down at your broken mess of a daughter, because you know this won't be the last time. You know that I will believe the lies of this world again. Because I am so weak but you are so strong and thank Jesus(you) that I gave you my life 6 years ago on a freezing december night under the stars of a beautiful northern arizona sky that you created because its ok that im weak. Its ok cause youve got this... this whole life thing. So why would I ever doubt you??? NO IDEA and im sorry for that by the way. Also sorry this is all over the place, I dont know what im trying to say... but you do so thanks for that too. I love you.... More than I can comprehend.

1 comment:

  1. I'm crying. Your prayer was beautiful. I find it so crazy that we can see God's work, His hand moving in our lives and yet we find it so hard to let go and FULLY trust Him. His love is so great that even after 697823516235469 times, he STILL will come running back to us. Beautiful Rikki. Let's be room mates. Kthxbai!